Stop Calling Them “Soft” Skills

The Myth

The term “soft skills” was first coined by the U.S. Army in the 1970s.

They used it to differentiate non-technical training (like leadership and communication) from “hard” technical skills like weaponry and machinery.

Since then, the term stuck, framing emotional intelligence, collaboration, and interpersonal communication as less measurable, less teachable, and somehow less important than today’s more “desirable” skills like coding or finance.

But science says otherwise.

 

So What Are “Soft” Skills Really?

They’re not soft. They’re compound executive skills built from:

→ Emotional awareness

→ Verbal clarity

→ Cognitive control

→ Empathy

→ Self-monitoring

→ Regulation under stress

They’re learnable, but they take reps.

Most people only learn them through trial, error, and emotional fallout.

 

The Science: Why Soft Skills Are Hard?

Soft skills require multiple high-effort brain systems to work in sync, under stress, in real time. Here's what that looks like neurologically:

Feeling what you feel (Interoception)

This is your ability to notice what’s going on inside your body like tension in your chest, heat rising in your face, or a clenching gut. People with stronger interoception show better emotional regulation and faster recovery from stress.

📍 Why it matters:

These signals often show up before you realize you’re stressed. The faster you notice them, the faster you can respond without spiraling.

📚 Science says: Stronger interoception is linked to better emotional regulation and faster decision-making under stress (Craig, 2002; Füstös et al., 2013).

Naming what you feel (Affect Labeling)

This is your ability to put clear, accurate words to an emotional state like: “I feel dismissed” or “I feel anxious.”

📍 Why it matters:

Vague labels like “bad” or “off” keep your stress response activated. Specific words help your brain calm down.

📚 Science says: Naming emotions reduces activity in the brain’s fear center and helps regulate your nervous system (Lieberman et al., 2007).

Pausing before reacting (Inhibitory Control)

This is the part of your brain that helps you stop a default reaction, like interrupting, snapping, or freezing, and choose a better response.

📍 Why it matters:

In tense moments, your brain wants to protect you, not pause. Learning to hit the brakes takes more energy, not less.

📚 Science says: This kind of self-control takes a lot of cognitive effort, especially under pressure (Ochsner et al., 2005).

Reading the room (Mentalizing)

This is your ability to figure out what someone else might be feeling or thinking, even if they’re not saying it.

📍 Why it matters:

It’s what lets you adjust your tone, ask better questions, and avoid misunderstandings. Great collaboration depends on it.

📚 Science says: Mentalizing is a real process your brain performs, not a personality trait. It’s critical to social and emotional intelligence (Frith & Frith, 2006).

Watching yourself in real time (Metacognition)

This is your brain’s ability to observe your own thoughts and patterns while they’re happening and adjust if needed.

📍 Why it matters:

You can’t change what you don’t notice. And most people aren’t trained to notice.

📚 Science says: Metacognition supports better self-regulation, leadership, and decision-making, even under stress (Fleming & Dolan, 2012; Carpenter et al., 2019).

 

Why This Matters in Business

Inconsistent leadership, poor communication, and unspoken tension? They cost teams more than any missed KPI.

According to McKinsey (2023), emotional intelligence, communication, and adaptability are now the top predictors of team performance, especially in remote and hybrid environments.

And yet?

These are still labeled “soft.”

 

How to Practice Soft Skills (on Purpose)

You need reps in real life. Try these.

(And pardon the heavy science in here but we gotta explain what your brain is doing.)

⏳ Interoception Practice

What to try: Set a 2-minute timer. Scan your body from head to toe. What do you notice? Tight jaw? Butterflies? Shallow breath? No need to fix it. Just name it.

Why it works:

Your body picks up on stress before your brain does. The better you get at noticing those cues, the faster you can regulate.

🤬 Affect Labeling Practice

What to try: When you feel off, pause and name three specific emotions. Not “bad”. Get precise: “I feel irritated, ignored, and anxious.”

Why it works:

Your brain calms down when it knows what it’s dealing with. Vague labels keep your nervous system in alert mode. Specific words turn the volume down on your brain’s threat response.

⏸️ Inhibitory Control Practice

What to try: Build a “pause phrase” you can say in tense moments. Something like, “Let me think about that,” or “Give me a second to process.”

Why it works:

Your brain wants to protect you with a fast reaction (fight, freeze, fawn). But high-quality responses come from your slower, more thoughtful brain system. Using a pause phrase helps reroute your reaction from instinct to intention.

💭 Mentalizing Practice

What to try: When someone’s behavior feels confusing or frustrating, ask:

→ “What pressure might they be under?”

→ “What information might they have that I don’t?”

Why it works:
Instead of reacting to what someone says, this helps your brain shift into perspective-taking mode. It trains you to decode behavior, reduce conflict, and collaborate more effectively. This is an especially critical skill in high-stakes or cross-functional situations.

📝 Metacognition Practice

What to try: At the end of the day, reflect:

→ “Where did my actions match my values today?”

→ “Where do I want to handle that differently next time?”

Why it works:

This helps build self-awareness in real time, not just in hindsight. Metacognition strengthens the brain networks that support better decision-making, emotional control, and growth in high-pressure roles.

 

Soft Skills Are Actually the Hardest Skills

Soft skills are only called soft because we didn’t know how to measure them when the term was coined.

Now we can. And science is clear:

These are the most complex, effortful, and essential skills for high-performance leadership, but they require intentional practice to master.

And honestly, if you ask us, we would rename these skills as your:

→ Human skills

→ Make more money skills

→ Get a promotion skills

→ Be well liked skills

Noticing a pattern?

So slow down and work on your [see above] skills.

 

Sources

Carpenter, J., Hogan, C. L., & Movius, H. L. (2019). A 5-week mindfulness meditation program improves self-regulation: A field study. NeuroImage, 202, 116031.

Craig, A. D. (2002). How do you feel? Interoception: The sense of the physiological condition of the body. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 3(8), 655–666.

Critchley, H. D., Wiens, S., Rotshtein, P., Öhman, A., & Dolan, R. J. (2004). Neural systems supporting interoceptive awareness. Nature Neuroscience, 7(2), 189–195.

Decety, J., & Jackson, P. L. (2004). The functional architecture of human empathy. Behavioral and Cognitive Neuroscience Reviews, 3(2), 71–100.

Fleming, S. M., & Dolan, R. J. (2012). The neural basis of metacognitive ability. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 367(1594), 1338–1349.

Frith, C. D., & Frith, U. (2006). The neural basis of mentalizing. Neuron, 50(4), 531–534.

Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54(7), 493–503.

Lieberman, M. D., Inagaki, T. K., Tabibnia, G., & Crockett, M. J. (2007). Subjective responses to emotional stimuli during labeling, reappraisal, and distraction. Emotion, 7(4), 473–478.

McKinsey & Company. (2023). Defining the skills citizens will need in the future world of work. McKinsey Global Institute Report.

Ochsner, K. N., & Gross, J. J. (2005). The cognitive control of emotion. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 9(5), 242–249.

Tang, Y. Y., Hölzel, B. K., & Posner, M. I. (2015). The neuroscience of mindfulness meditation. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 16(4), 213–225.